


that drabble where calum is a hairless menace

by merlypops



Series: 5SOS Drabbles [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Boys Kissing, Drabble, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Haircuts, Idiots in Love, M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 08:17:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4256121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlypops/pseuds/merlypops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Ashton had kind of <i>always</i> loved having his hair played with.<br/>It was right up there in the list of '<b>Things Ashton Fletcher Irwin Enjoyed</b>', between blow jobs from Calum and those little pots full of Nutella that you could dip miniature breadsticks in.'</p><p>
  <b>Ashton has pretty hair and Calum believes in second chances.</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	that drabble where calum is a hairless menace

**Author's Note:**

> This is so stupid but I laughed writing it and I hope it's kinda cute...  
> Hopefully you'll enjoy and maybe it'll make you smile idk.

Ashton had kind of _always_ loved having his hair played with. It was right up there in the list of ' **Things Ashton Fletcher Irwin Enjoyed** ', between blow jobs from Calum and those little pots full of Nutella that you could dip miniature breadsticks in.

The upside to dating Calum was that he loved playing with his boyfriend's soft, caramel-coloured curls almost as much as _Ashton_ enjoyed it, but the downside was that Calum was notoriously inept when it came to hair.

(The older boy privately thought that it was because his boyfriend was so hairless but he kindly never pointed this out.)

Ashton had been warned about it when they'd first started going out by various members of Calum's family and, despite details of the story changing at virtually every telling, one fact remained set in stone: **Calum Thomas Hood was a menace**.

(Or, to put it in a less dramatic way, he had once knotted his older sister Mali-Koa's hair so badly in an attempt to plait it that she'd had to have it cut into a bob.)

From that point on Calum had been forbidden to go anywhere near anyone else's hair and Ashton had been distinctly more wary of him.

That had all gone to shit when Calum had hit Ashton below the belt and gone all puppy dog eyes on him though. He'd gone: " _Please_ , babe - don't I deserve a second chance?" and now Ashton was sitting nervously on the younger boy's double bed with his legs folded beneath him and Calum's fingers running lightly through his hair, easing out the tangles.

Ashton didn't stay as tense as he had been because it actually felt pretty _good_.

Calum's fingertips were calloused from years of playing the bass guitar and it felt nice on Ashton's scalp.

The dark-haired boy dropped an absent kiss onto Ashton's shoulder as he kept up his gentle stroking, running his long fingers through the soft locks of hair as Ashton hummed contentedly.

"You sound like a baby cat," Calum observed in a soft voice, somewhat ruining the moment when he suddenly gave Ashton's hair a sharp tug.

"Ow!" the older boy yelped, jerking upright from where he'd been slumped against Calum's chest.

"What did you do that for?!" Ashton demanded before he fixed Calum with a slightly scathing look, adding: "And I believe the word you were looking for is _kitten_."

Calum's dark eyes twinkled with what Ashton would later realise was guilt.

"Fine, _kitten_ ," Calum said with a roll of his dark eyes. There was another tug and Ashton sighed deeply when it made his eyes prickle.

"Can we go out and get noodles after this?" the older boy asked wearily.

Calum paled visibly behind him.

"J-just... uh... l-let me f-fix this and -"

Ashton tried to sit up quickly but Calum's hand was tangled in his curls and it wasn't coming out anytime soon.

" _Calum_!" Ashton squeaked, his hazel eyes widening with horror as the realisation that the stories were _true_ began to sink in.

His boyfriend really _was_ a menace!

"What have you done?!" Ashton asked shrilly and Calum looked _so_ panic-stricken, like he would have seriously contemplated running away if he hadn't knotted himself to his boyfriend.

"I didn't mean to!" Calum cried in terror, just as a knock on the door sounded.

"What's going on in there?"

It was Mali - in his wild frenzy, Calum automatically assumed that she had come to gloat - and Ashton looked like he was going to _cry_ now because his hair was a matted mess and it was _ruined_.

Mali pushed the door open hesitantly and gasped when she saw the pair of them.

"Oh, Calum, not _again_!" Mali said despairingly as she moved closer. "Oh for goodness sake! Hold _still_ , Cal. I'll cut you out in a minute. Just let me find the scissors."

" _No_!" Ashton cried dramatically and Mali looked grim.

"I'm sorry, Ashton," she said gravely, eyeing the tangled snarl of hair and her younger brother's weakly twitching fingers with a solemn gaze. "But we did warn you that this would happen. You should have paid better heed."

Calum snorted at how dramatic that was but he forced himself to stop quickly when it looked like Ashton was about to start crying as Mali left the room.

The strained silence that grew was broken by Calum's sister returning with a triumphant: "I found the scissors!"

The gentle snipping was deafening in the quiet and Mali didn't look convinced when she stepped away which wasn't exactly comforting.

"Um... I'll text my friend," Mali said after a moment, setting the scissors down on the desktop.

Ashton briefly considered murdering Calum with them, just because.

"He's a hairdresser," the older girl continued. "He can fix you up in morning."

Ashton nodded mournfully, dragging his fingers through what was left of his curls and sighing deeply.

Calum fidgeted awkwardly as Mali disappeared from the room once more but Ashton hurried into the ensuite immediately, letting out a devastated groan when he saw the mess the Hood siblings had made of his hair.

"Are you going to break up with me?" Calum asked meekly, appearing behind his boyfriend with a wary expression on his face.

"Yes," Ashton promised in a dark voice. "And then I'm going to _murder_ you."

(Ashton didn't do either of those things in the end but he _did_ get his hair cut by Mali's friend Louis the next day who, fortunately, proved to be a lot more competent than she had been.)

It took four months before Ashton's hair looked the way he wanted it to again and his boyfriend's shoulders slumped with relief when he saw the soft smile on the older boy's face.

"You forgive me yet, kitten?" Calum asked hopefully and Ashton tried to fight his cheeky smile but it spread across his face anyway.

"No," he teased, stretching up onto his tiptoes so that he could kiss Calum's nose. "But I still love you." Calum smiled too.

"So you're _not_ going to murder me?" the dark-haired boy checked.

Ashton giggled as he pulled Calum down into a proper kiss.

"No promises, you hairless menace," he murmured.

Calum smiled against Ashton's lips.

"I don't suppose I'm allowed to be offended."

Ashton started laughing.

"No, you're fucking _not_."

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn't hate this then please let me know because I'm worried it was appalling :P you guys don't know how hard I find it to write something that isn't angsty!


End file.
